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Waking up after a fantastic night only to discover that his girlfriend is a vampire and has transformed him into one, C. Thomas Flood adapts to his new powers while dealing with a dangerous faction of bloodsuckers trying to kill off all other vampires.
In this emotionally powerful, funny debut, Cricket Cherpin needs to figure out what to do with his life before he turns 18. But life sucksNso why not just give up?
Hey -- you there with the cheap chardonnay -- you think you know how to drink, but this book will gently lead you to the conclusion that you do, indeed, suck at drinking. It's time to imbibe correctly, and author Matthew Latkiewicz has compiled this helpful, wryly humorous guide to help you navigate any drinking situation and answer any pedantic questions, including: * What's the difference between a flip, a fizz, and a smash? * What is the official state term for being inebriated in Iowa? * How do you choose the right drink to suit any occasion? And much more! Complete with tons of helpful illustrations and handy graphs, this guide will become indispensable to anyone who no longer wants to -- suck at drinking.
Do you crave food all the time? Do you think you might want to eat again in the future? Do you suck at cooking? Inspired by the wildly popular YouTube channel, these 60+ recipes will help you suck slightly less You already know the creator of the YouTube show You Suck at Cooking by his well-manicured hands and mysterious voice, and now you’ll know him for this equally well-manicured and mysterious tome. It contains more than sixty recipes for beginner cooks and noobs alike, in addition to hundreds of paragraphs and sentences, as well as photos and drawings. You’ll learn to cook with unintimidating ingredients in dishes like Broccoli Cheddar Quiche Cupcake Muffin-Type Things, Eddie’s Roasted Red Pepper Dip (while also learning all about Eddie’s sad, sad life), Jalapeño Chicken, and also other stuff. In addition, there are cooking tips that can be applied not only to the very recipes in this book, but also to recipes outside of this book, and to all other areas of your life (with mixed results). In the end, you just might suck slightly less at cooking.* *Results not guaranteed
Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching back, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door...and proceeds to rock Tommy's life—and afterlife—in ways he never thought possible.
Do you ever just want someone to help you figure life out--to tell you how to win at work, what guys to stay away from, and what jeans rock your body shape? This book is the perfect cocktail of sass and down-to-earth guidance to navigate your way to the life you want to live. With so much information at your fingertips, real success, good dates, and true friendships can often feel out of reach. Packed with lessons learned from her own mistakes and heartache, Bianca Juarez Olthoff is your guide (minus the cargo shorts and tacky hat) in avoiding unnecessary detours on the path to your best self. With her signature wit, engaging stories, and brilliant insights from a counselor friend, Bianca gives spot-on advice for adulting, career, relationships, and faith. Following the biblical story of Ruth and Naomi, Bianca's humorous and honest anecdotes will empower you to create a successful life and discover all you can be. This curated manual for the modern woman will help you: Connect with a mentor, let go of bad friendships, and find a relationship worth keeping Trust the goodness of God even in loss, betrayal, and unanswered questions Take initiative, do hard things, and achieve meaningful success Fall in love with God's Word and see the Bible come alive Bianca will show you that though life is tough, you are too.
I'm Paulie Amigo - your authentic, unfiltered, unedited, honest, raw, and genuine amigo. Unlike the fake-as-f*ck hotdogs you call friends, I'm here to give you the truth about your life...specifically, the truth that you suck more than you realize. Are you aware that you suck? I'm not kidding, you f*cking suck a**. But don't worry, this self-help satire will do everything possible to wake you up and help you live the one life you've got. Your expiration date is approaching, so it's time to try something new before you lose complete control and start flipping out in traffic or eat another pint of ice cream on a Tuesday night. Your honest amigo is here to help you perceive this sh*tshow accurately. You Suck is filled with stuff that you don't want to hear. Because I didn't pay for an editor who would ensure my voice and script is suitable for a target audience of f*cktards, you can be assured that I'm being genuine to my natural tone. In fact, I could care less if you like the book, because who the f*ck are you anyway? I'm here to help you wake up and I won't sugar coat sh*t (you already have people doing that job). Plus, what are you going to do, give me a one-star review with a scathing comment? I hope you do, because your insulin is dropping and you need to use someone as a punching bag before you freak out in public or insult someone on social media (What would you do without social media? Let's not imagine that fiasco just yet...I'll save that craziness for the book.) If you're currently addicted to self-help authors, content creators, self-absorbed gurus, podcasters, influencers, or anyone of popularity today (basically anyone with thousands of dumb-as-f*ck followers), this satire will hopefully be a wakeup call and relief. If you're wondering how I came up with the idea for this book, I read a mindfulness workbook titled "30 Days to Stop Giving a Sh*t." If you haven't tried mindfulness, it'll save you a sh*t ton of time and money. If you don't learn to slow the f*ck down, then you're simply rushing toward a dismissal end. If you like this book and want to read more content from your authentic amigo (Paulie Amigo), let me know in the comments section. You can even drop suggestions for other content you'd like me to help you with. If you liked my style, please share me with others... post the You Suck cover to your pathetic social media account, use #YouSuckBook and #PaulieAmigo, and tag your favorite influencer, podcaster, and any other snake-oil f*cker you've been hypnotized by for the last year. Let those sh*tbags know that they suck as much as you and I. (This book received a "1 Star Recognition Award" from the 'Association of Writers Who Don't Give a F*ck' because of its offensive tone, weird tangents, crazy syntax, and selective apathy.) Author Book Recommendations: 30 Days to Stop Giving a Sh*t (Or any of the 30DaysNow.com mindfulness workbooks) Guru Notebooks (Guided Journals to help you navigate life. Includes Throw It Away, Morning Coffee & Thoughts, Dreams, Job Search, My Fears, Voting Decision, Core Values, and more) Guru Notebooks Finance (Guided Journals for Intelligent Stock, Cryptocurrency, Index Fund, ETF, REIT, and Mutual Fund Investments) Scribble Guru (Slow down, relax, and make something out of unique scribbles that you can share online) The Jesus Response Porn Guru: A Guide to Stop Porn Dependency The Dating App Confessions (Short stories about the online dating world) The Trumpstitution, by Michael Boon (A satirical way to learn the US Constitution)
Discover how the freedom of sucking at something can help you build resilience, embrace imperfection, and find joy in the pursuit rather than the goal. What if the secret to resilience and joy is the one thing we’ve been taught to avoid? When was the last time you tried something new? Something that won’t make you more productive, make you more money, or check anything off your to-do list? Something you’re really, really bad at, but that brought you joy? Odds are, not recently. As a sh*tty surfer and all-around-imperfect human Karen Rinaldi explains in this eye-opening book, we live in a time of aspirational psychoses. We humblebrag about how hard we work and we prioritize productivity over play. Even kids don’t play for the sake of playing anymore: they’re building blocks to build the ideal college application. But we’re all being had. We’re told to be the best or nothing at all. We’re trapped in an epic and farcical quest for perfection. We judge others on stuff we can’t even begin to master, and it’s all making us more anxious and depressed than ever. Worse, we’re not improving on what really matters. This book provides the antidote. (It’s Great to) Suck at Something reveals that the key to a richer, more fulfilling life is finding something to suck at. Drawing on her personal experience sucking at surfing (a sport she’s dedicated nearly two decades of her life to doing without ever coming close to getting good at it) along with philosophy, literature, and the latest science, Rinaldi explores sucking as a lost art we must reclaim for our health and our sanity and helps us find the way to our own riotous suck-ability. She draws from sources as diverse as Anthony Bourdain and surfing luminary Jaimal Yogis, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Jean-Paul Sartre, among many others, and explains the marvelous things that happen to our mammalian brains when we try something new, all to discover what she’s learned firsthand: it is great to suck at something. Sucking at something rewires our brain in positive ways, helps us cultivate grit, and inspires us to find joy in the process, without obsessing about the destination. Ultimately, it gives you freedom: the freedom to suck without caring is revelatory. Coupling honest, hilarious storytelling with unexpected insights, (It’s Great to) Suck at Something is an invitation to embrace our shortcomings as the very best of who we are and to open ourselves up to adventure, where we may not find what we thought we were looking for, but something way more important.
Sitting at the piano is like staring into the gaping jaws of a great white shark. Terrifying. Beautiful. Sensual, even. Will you stand there, frozen? Or run away like a coward? Or will you jump in, head first, all the while trying to punch that shark in the face? I'm Dr. Joel Pierson, author of the new book You Suck at Piano. Have you spent your life searching for a piano method book that mocks you relentlessly and laughs at you from afar? You Suck at Piano does all these things. It also teaches you to play the piano - it just takes a less than traditional approach to doing so. You Suck at Piano makes a great gift for that person who needs just a little musical discouragement in their life. So pick up a few copies and let's make the world a little more ridiculous.
