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Is there a better phrase to start a story than "No Shit, There I Was..."? If you hear someone start with that phrase, you know it's going to be worth listening carefully. That's how all the craziest - and most interesting - stories start. And then we turned a bunch of speculative fiction authors loose on that phrase.
The collection of life experiences enclosed herein are true incidents that I witnessed or actively participated in. In many of them, I narrowly evaded some dire consequences of military justice via avenues of quick thinking, slick talking, or just plain dumb luck! I discovered a couple of best kept secrets that helped me skate through these adventures. Those secrets being, know what is in the Bureau of Personnel manual; have a good understanding of the grievance procedures (under the right circumstances, an enlisted dude can put the Commanding Officer on report; but you had better do your homework!); and lastly, tie in with a mentor who will show you the "ropes" about the Navy! Now this is in no way a sailor's guide to misbehaving. It is simply a comical look at one sailor that may well have proven himself to be a "magnificent bastard" as he advanced from Seaman Recruit to Senior Chief!
Is there a better way to start a story than"No sh!t, there I was..."?If you hear that phrase, perk up, because you know you're in for a heck of a tale. That's how all the craziest - and most interesting - stories start.And then we told a bunch of authors to make sure thier stories started with that very phraseGrab a pint of your favorite beverage and gather round. We've got two dozen stories here to horrify, amuse, and mystify, each with thier own illustration. Hard to believe, but no sh!t... there I was.
When Samantha Watson walked into The Bank of England and inherited six million dollars she had no idea that she would fall in love with the world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes. Nor did she have the slightest inkling she would be drawn into a sinister world of vampires and evil.
"Your life isn't over." My dad says this. "I mean, YOUR life isn't over. Beyond the kids. You'll go on living, doing things. This isn't it." I know, I assure him. I have the kids. They need me. They're my life now. "OK," he replies, then grunts—more of a brief hum. He only hums when he thinks I'm full of shit. Shockingly single. Amy Biancolli's life went off script more dramatically than most after her husband of twenty years jumped off the roof of a parking garage. Left with three children, a three-story house, and a pile of knotty psychological complications, Amy realizes the flooding dishwasher, dead car battery, rapidly growing lawn, basement sump pump, and broken doorknob aren't going to fix themselves. She also realizes that "figuring shit out" means accepting the horrors that came her way, rolling with them, slogging through them, helping others through theirs, and working her way through life with love and laughter. Amy Biancolli is an author and journalist whose column appears in the Albany Times Union. Before that, Amy served as film critic for the Houston Chronicle where her reviews, published around the country, won her the 2007 Comment and Criticism Award from the Texas Associated Press Managing Editors Association. Biancolli is the author of House of Holy Fools: A Family Portrait in Six Cracked Parts, which earned her Albany Author of the Year. Amy lives in Albany, New York, with her three children.
"A brilliant account of the politics of shit. It will leave you speechless." Written in Paris after the heady days of student revolt in May 1968 and before the devastation of the AIDS epidemic, History of Shit is emblematic of a wild and adventurous strain of 1970s' theoretical writing that attempted to marry theory, politics, sexuality, pleasure, experimentation, and humor. Radically redefining dialectical thought and post-Marxist politics, it takes an important—and irreverent—position alongside the works of such postmodern thinkers as Foucault, Deleuze, Guattari, and Lyotard. Laporte's eccentric style and ironic sensibility combine in an inquiry that is provocative, humorous, and intellectually exhilarating. Debunking all humanist mythology about the grandeur of civilization, History of Shit suggests instead that the management of human waste is crucial to our identities as modern individuals—including the organization of the city, the rise of the nation-state, the development of capitalism, and the mandate for clean and proper language. Far from rising above the muck, Laporte argues, we are thoroughly mired in it, particularly when we appear our most clean and hygienic. Laporte's style of writing is itself an attack on our desire for "clean language." Littered with lengthy quotations and obscure allusions, and adamantly refusing to follow a linear argument, History of Shit breaks the rules and challenges the conventions of "proper" academic discourse.
Centurions were the guardians of Rome. At the height of the Roman Republic there were over five thousand qualified Roman Centurions in the Legions. To be a Centurion required that, in a mostly illiterate society, one be able to read and write clearly, to be able to convey and create orders, to be capable of not only performing every skill of a Roman soldier but teach every skill of a Roman soldier. Becoming a Centurion required intense physical ability, courage beyond the norm, years of sacrifice and a total devotion to the philosophy which was Rome. When Rome fell to barbarian invaders, there were less than five hundred qualified Centurions. Not because Rome had fewer people but because it had fewer willing to make the sacrifices. And the last Centurions left their shields in the heather and took a barbarian bride . . . We are . . . The Last Centurions. At the publisher's request, this title is sold without DRM (Digital Rights Management).
"Dawn Dais bravely goes where other baby books don't.... She spills the truth about everything from breastfeeding to getting along with your partner post-baby." — Parents Magazine There comes a time in every new mother’s life when she realizes that all the pregnancy well-wishes and baby shower gifts left her profoundly unqualified for the realities of life with a newborn. Who knew there would be so much crying—and how much of that crying would be coming from the mom? Bestselling author Dawn Dais believes that a vast conspiracy exists to hide the truth about parenting from expectant mothers for fear that if the truth got out, women would (1) stop having babies or (2) stop bringing them home. Eschewing the adorableness that oozes out of other parenting books, Dais offers real advice from real moms—along with hilarious anecdotes, tips, and the encouragement every new mom needs to survive the first year of parenthood. Revised and updated with new chapters offering advice for single moms and tips for partners,The Sh!t No One Tells You is a must-have companion for every new mother’s sleepless nights and poop-filled days.
This book is about shit. Not the shit you have in your closet or those lying around the house or the shit in your car, but it is about shit. The stuff that comes out of your body when you have to go to the bathroom. Not the stuff that comes out the front side but the stuff that comes out of your butt. It doesnt matter how poor you are, how rich you are, how ugly you are, or how beautiful you are. It doesnt matter if you are skinny or overweight. And no matter what you may think, your shit does stink sometimes. This book is for all of you who have ever admired your dirty deed. For those of you whose brother made you run to the bathroom because you thought someone had died only to see the longest turd ever in the stool.
