Crap CVs

Crap CVs

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  • Author: Jenny Crompton
  • Publisher: Penguin UK
  • ISBN: 1405920459
  • Category : Business & Economics
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 125

A HILARIOUS COMPILATION OF THE WORST JOB APPLICATIONS IMAGINABLE - A PERFECT STOCKING FILLER OR OFFICE SECRET SANTA GIFT THIS CHRISTMAS. Ever read a truly terrible job application? Or perhaps slightly exaggerated the truth on one of your own... We've all been there - but these are worse. So much worse. From overly-honest cover letters, embarrassing typos, and mortifying personal revelations, to awkward interview questions, misplaced self-confidence, and, of course, outright lies. This hilarious collection of shockingly dreadful job applications, crap CVs and excruciating interviews will have you laughing out loud, while also making you feel so much better about yourself - because at least you weren't ever this bad . . . Application for Employment I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and hereby apply for the replacement of the deceased manager. Each time I apply for a job, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case I have caught you red-handed and you have no excuse because I even attended the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate. The Interview: Q. Is there anything about this job that you feel you might not be very good at? A. Dealing with people. Q. What person, living or dead, would you most like to meet? A. The living one.


EUGENE & COMPANY

EUGENE & COMPANY

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  • Author: AMANDA BOEKELHEIDE
  • Publisher: Lulu.com
  • ISBN: 1792309104
  • Category : Poetry
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 84

'Eugene & Company' is the most recent and first published collection of poems by performer and writer Amanda Boekelheide. Created as part of a poets' group loosely based around the restaurant 'Eugene & Co.' between 2017-2018, these 36 poems span a year of life in BedStuy, Brooklyn and are dedicated to the author's Oma, who lived in Eugene, Oregon until her death in 2018.


Unwanted

Unwanted

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  • Author: Sandra M. Bucerius
  • Publisher: Oxford University Press
  • ISBN: 0199856486
  • Category : Social Science
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 273

The immigration of Muslims to Europe and the integration of later generations presents many challenges to European societies. Unwanted builds on five years of ethnographic research with a group of fifty-five second-generation Muslim immigrant drug dealers in Frankfurt, Germany to examine the relationship between immigration, social exclusion, and the informal economy. Having spent countless hours with these young men, hanging out in the streets, in cafes or bars and at the local community center, Sandra Bucerius explores the intimate aspects of one of the most discriminated and excluded populations in Germany. Bucerius looks at how the young men negotiate their participation in the drug market while still trying to adhere to their cultural and religious obligations and how they struggle to find a place within German society. The young men considered their involvement in the drug trade a response to their exclusion at the same time that it provides a means of forging an identity and a place within German society. The insights into the lives, hopes, and dreams of these young men, who serve as an example for many Muslim and otherwise marginalized immigrant youth groups in Western countries, provides the context necessary to understand their actions while never obscuring the many contradictory facets of their lives.


Milli and Me

Milli and Me

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  • Author: Michael Rosedale
  • Publisher: iUniverse
  • ISBN: 1440102724
  • Category : Humor
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 103

WHO WOULD READ THIS BOOK ANYWAY? (a special note from the Author) A lot of people have told me (including my wife and kids), that no one is ever going to want to read this dumb dog book. And, even if they were willing to read it, they told me for sure- no one would pay to read it. I'M NOT LISTENING TO THEM. I know most people like dogs more than they like people and spend a ton of money on doggie stuff because it makes them feel good. So for those of you who doubt there is a market for this book- here is the proof: At this very minute, as I am writing this, I am sitting on an American Airlines jet. I have just reached into the seat compartment in front of me and pulled out this SkyMall product catalog. Some of the products in this catalog I just found available for dog owners to buy- that will sell in the millions this year include: dog beds that keeps your dog stay cool and comfortable when resting, dog ramps that will help your dog get on your bed or sofa, portable dog feeders so your dog will never go hungry when you are not home on time from work, lotion that prevents dog tear stains under the eyes, fresh bowl savers- lids for doggie food bowls- to keep it fresh, poop boxes- the economical way to handle doggie waste, walk thru pet gates, doggie boosters for senior dogs- helps them get in and out of the cars easily, bark free- the safe way to prevent dogs from excessive barking, pet wheel away- take your dog whoever you go, back seat barriers- that keep your dogs safe in the car, the ultimate pet feeding and watering kit that prevents your dogs from overeating and here is my favorite- the personalized doggie garden bench - to honor your loved deceased dog. (I guess you bury your best friend in front or underneath the bench.) I rest my case. Buy this book and make yourself feel good - you will enjoy it! Sincerely- Michael Rosedale P.S. go to www.millirosedale.com and post YOUR favorite dog and pet stories. Maybe they will end up in my next book!!!!!!!!!!


The Professor Is In

The Professor Is In

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  • Author: Karen Kelsky
  • Publisher: Crown
  • ISBN: 0553419420
  • Category : Education
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 450

The definitive career guide for grad students, adjuncts, post-docs and anyone else eager to get tenure or turn their Ph.D. into their ideal job Each year tens of thousands of students will, after years of hard work and enormous amounts of money, earn their Ph.D. And each year only a small percentage of them will land a job that justifies and rewards their investment. For every comfortably tenured professor or well-paid former academic, there are countless underpaid and overworked adjuncts, and many more who simply give up in frustration. Those who do make it share an important asset that separates them from the pack: they have a plan. They understand exactly what they need to do to set themselves up for success. They know what really moves the needle in academic job searches, how to avoid the all-too-common mistakes that sink so many of their peers, and how to decide when to point their Ph.D. toward other, non-academic options. Karen Kelsky has made it her mission to help readers join the select few who get the most out of their Ph.D. As a former tenured professor and department head who oversaw numerous academic job searches, she knows from experience exactly what gets an academic applicant a job. And as the creator of the popular and widely respected advice site The Professor is In, she has helped countless Ph.D.’s turn themselves into stronger applicants and land their dream careers. Now, for the first time ever, Karen has poured all her best advice into a single handy guide that addresses the most important issues facing any Ph.D., including: -When, where, and what to publish -Writing a foolproof grant application -Cultivating references and crafting the perfect CV -Acing the job talk and campus interview -Avoiding the adjunct trap -Making the leap to nonacademic work, when the time is right The Professor Is In addresses all of these issues, and many more.


The Secret Game of Power

The Secret Game of Power

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  • Author: Florin Lupusoru
  • Publisher: Author House
  • ISBN: 1491895233
  • Category : Fiction
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 223

A highly controversial work of satirical fiction, mocking the obsessions, trends and rules of the modern society, challenging scientific theories, questioning political decisions and suggesting astonishing and original solutions to the dilemmas of our era.


Friends Like These

Friends Like These

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  • Author: Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
  • Publisher: Ember
  • ISBN: 0593309707
  • Category : Young Adult Fiction
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 385

When a girl goes missing and a body is found, everyone is a suspect. "Sharp, atmospheric, and wildly fast-paced"—Jessica Goodman, New York Times bestselling author of They'll Never Catch Us Mistake number one . . . Fun-loving Jake tells his girlfriend, Jessica, that they have to go to Tegan’s end-of-summer party in their tiny California beach town. Jessica doesn’t like parties, and she doesn’t like Tegan, who has an obvious, obsessive crush on Jake. But she agrees to go, to make Jake happy. Mistake number two . . . Something awful happens at the party. Something so embarrassing that Jessica doesn’t know if she can ever get over it—and Jake will do whatever it takes to earn her forgiveness. And now a girl is missing. Everyone is a suspect. And Jake seems to have a lot to hide. . . . When a body is discovered at the beach, friends start turning on friends, and lies start piling upon lies. What happened could destroy their lives. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Mistake number three . . .


Weightless

Weightless

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  • Author: Sarah Bannan
  • Publisher: Macmillan
  • ISBN: 1250050928
  • Category : Fiction
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 333

"When 15-year-old Carolyn moves from New Jersey to Alabama with her mother, she rattles the status quo of the junior class at Adams High School. A good student and natural athlete, she's immediately welcomed by the school's cliques. She's even nominated to the homecoming court and begins dating a senior, Shane, whose on again/off again girlfriend Brooke becomes Carolyn's bitter romantic rival. When a video of Carolyn and Shane making out is sent to everyone, Carolyn goes from golden girl to slut, as Brooke and her best friend Gemma try to restore their popularity. Gossip and bullying hound Carolyn, who becomes increasingly private and isolated. When Shane and Brooke--now back together--confront Carolyn in the student parking lot, injuring her, it's the last attack she can take. Sarah Bannan's deft use of the first person plural gives Weightless an emotional intensity and remarkable power that will send you flying through the pages and leave you reeling"--


How To Become An Airline Pilot

How To Become An Airline Pilot

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  • Author: Pilot Bible
  • Publisher: Pilot Bible
  • ISBN:
  • Category : Transportation
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 91

★ A must have for anyone considering a career as a Commercial Airline Pilot! ★ Into this book is compiled the latest and most relevant material about becoming an Airline Pilot right now, along with 10 years worth of experience in the modern day Airline Industry. It's updated annually. This guide will; ✔ Save you TIME We’ve spent our time scouring the internet & our insider aviation industry contacts so you don’t have to. This guide only includes the most up-to date & relevant material. ✔ Save you MONEY Your small investment in this book will pay huge dividends in a multitude of ways. It will help you ace airline pilot training first time round, and select a pilot training course and future that’s most appropriate for you. The discounts included alone will cover 10 x the price of the book. ✔ Give you REAL CAREER INSIGHTS We’ll tell you what the flight schools won’t! Giving you the chance to make fully informed decisions. ✔ Help you STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD Under 1% of applicants for a UK airline fully funded course were successful this year. You need to stand out from the crowd. We’ll show you how! ✔ Guide you through the entire process start – finish Each part of the process is broken down, with tips & tricks to help you smash through them! ✔ Globally Applicable Any differences between regions and countries are pointed out throughout the book This book was created by an Airline Captain at one of the UK’s leading Airlines, along with partners in the industry, who all wish they’d had something like this before they started their journey!


Spoiled

Spoiled

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  • Author: Caitlin Macy
  • Publisher: Random House Trade Paperbacks
  • ISBN: 0812971728
  • Category : Fiction
  • Languages : en
  • Pages : 258

A young woman does a good deed for her nanny, only to have it go horribly wrong. A newly married woman struggles to gain the upper hand with her self-assured cleaning woman. An anxious woman desperate for an authentic experience makes a rash decision to leave the grounds of her Moroccan luxury hotel. In this sophisticated and provocative story collection, acclaimed author Caitlin Macy turns her unsparing eye on well-heeled thirtysomething women who, despite their education and affluence, struggle to keep their footing in their relationships with their friends, spouses, and children—not to mention their help. Full of surprising, sometimes shocking insights and brimming with outrage and compassion, Spoiled is a remarkable collection from a boldly talented writer.